No more nursing

I am mostly sad to report that I stopped breastfeeding this week. It turns out that one of the best "perks" of my job hurt nursing in the end. I am so so lucky to have on-site daycare at the YWCA. Lawry is cared for on the first floor of my building, and my office is on the second floor. At first, it made nursing so easy. I would take a break every few hours and go down to feed him. But, lately, Lawry has been too distracted to nurse. Or, my job has been so busy, that our schedule got off. Anyways, there were many days when I would try to nurse him 3 times in one day, but he never ate with me.There was not time to both try to nurse Lawry and then pump if he did not at work. This started to really affect my milk supply. I would have to supplement at night with formula and even on the weekends. It got to the point where Lawry would seem really frustrated with the breast, but happy to see the bottle coming his way.

So, last weekend, I decided to pump hardcore to see if I could build my milk supply back up. It just became really discouraging. One side pretty much had no milk supply. The other slightly more, but no nearly enough to feed Lawry. I then made a decision I am still questioning to stop. Many tears were shed. Nursing creates such an intense connection between mother and child. To me, one of my fundamental duties to Lawry as his mother is to provide him with milk. Somehow I feel like I am failing him by quiting.

On the other hand, Lawry and I have not been in sync for sometime now. Part of me is glad to let it go and move on. The constant internal struggle of my low milk supply was stressful. I truly know that I have done a great job with nursing him for 9 months. It was an amazing experience, not one I would trade for anything. Lawry is a happy, healthy baby, part of which is due to nursing. He and I still co-sleep and snuggle, so Lawry is getting the physical contact he needs. I also enjoyed a margarita for the first time in over 1.5 years. They are delicious!

Ignore the eczema on Lawry's cheek. You cannot not see them, but Lawry has his two front teeth too: